The holidays are supposed to be joyful. So why do so many of us feel drained, irritable, or quietly sad from November through January?
If you've ever wondered what's wrong with you for not loving the holiday season, nothing is. The exhaustion is real, and there are real reasons for it.
Grief gets louder. The holidays are built around togetherness, which makes absence sharper. An empty chair, a missing voice on the phone, traditions that don't feel the same — grief that you manage fine in July can feel overwhelming in December.
Old dynamics resurface. Family gatherings can pull you back into roles you outgrew years ago — the peacemaker, the invisible one, the one who holds it together. Your adult self knows better, but your nervous system remembers the old script.
Joy on a schedule is exhausting. There's an unspoken rule that you're supposed to feel festive. Performing an emotion you don't feel takes enormous energy — especially if you're already carrying stress, trauma, or depression.
What actually helps:
Name the specific hard thing. "The holidays are hard" is too vague. "Seeing my dad's empty chair at dinner is hard" gives you something real to work with — and to grieve, or plan around.
Give yourself permission to do less. You don't have to attend everything, stay late, or match anyone's energy. A smaller, honest holiday beats a big performative one.
Plan one anchor. One walk, one quiet morning, one boundary held — a single steady point in a chaotic season can change how the whole thing feels.
Talk to someone. If the season consistently unravels you, that's information, not failure. A few sessions of counselling — including EMDR for old wounds the holidays keep reopening — can change your relationship with this time of year.
You don't have to white-knuckle your way through the season. If you'd like support, book a free 15-minute consultation — we'll start wherever you are.
Jermaine Kemp, MS, RCC — SpeakHope Counselling, White Rock, BC. With hope, offering what's real, practical, and purposeful.